I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
