when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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