Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
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He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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