I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ketchup is God's man juice
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
