sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
