This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
