told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
