i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
