We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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