I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
