I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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