Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
