There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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