Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
