we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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