You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
