He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
