I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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