Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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