I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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