Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
