Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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