im about as happy as oj after his trial
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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