Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
