An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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