Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
