You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
