I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
