I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
