butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
