My nipple is on Facebook.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
