there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
