We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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