My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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