drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
