I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
