I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
