I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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