So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
