I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
