Sry I called you an 8
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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