so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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