i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
