so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
