I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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