Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
