Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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