I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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