Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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