Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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