Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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