No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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