Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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