I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
