Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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