I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
