So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
