at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
