somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
