He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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