Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
