I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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