five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
