i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
