Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
