how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
