peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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