never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
