I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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