Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
