yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
two words: eviction party
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
