I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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