I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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