if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
