I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
