my phone needs a breathalizer
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
