Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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