We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
