PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
