shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
