FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
