I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
