why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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