I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I came so hard my ears popped.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
