no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
