is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
