some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
