Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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