Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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