In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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