I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
