The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All the doctor said was why
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
