last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
