dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
