I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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