He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
