He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
