can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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